So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
