I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
