You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
