Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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