I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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