just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
