I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my shit smells like andre
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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