Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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