just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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