what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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