remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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