Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
