Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
