his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
