i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize