It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
