So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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