i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
