dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
