I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
