he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Randomize