I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
