Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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