Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
