The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
