You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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