My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
