the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
