i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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