dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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