My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
