Say something about gay babies.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
