Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
