Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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