Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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