i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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