I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
