Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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