i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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