Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
