no, he came in my armpit
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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