so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
