fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
