If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
