So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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