It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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