from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
