I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
