then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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