I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize