I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
