I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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