dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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