I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
