the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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