Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
