New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
