Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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