Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
