Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
