i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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