just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
