So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
