How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My pussy is not your playground.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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