you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
