She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
