woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize