we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im six kinds of drunk right now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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