there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize