Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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