Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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