Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize