I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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