If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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