I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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