hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A bitchslap is in order.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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