i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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