We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize