Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
