Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
