hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
