i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize