I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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