bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
