Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
