I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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