um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize