Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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