I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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