Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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