Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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