the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
