no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize