whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize