My nipple is on Facebook.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I love having hate sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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