wrigley field is MILF paradise
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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