remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
